I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
