I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
