I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think my vagina is haunted
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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