Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Rumble strips road head = magical
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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