Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
