The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
