he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize