Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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