Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
