My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
