Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize