Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
