I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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