So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
