onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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