don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
