Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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