You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
