After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
