she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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