Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
