I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
