do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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