strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
