There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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