my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i think im in europe. pls send help
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