So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
