I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
