i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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