oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
