im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
