Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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