i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
