Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
