I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
