Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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