He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize