He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
