Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
