when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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