I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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