woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
