I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
