Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
