matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
