Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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