I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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