Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
