If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
