He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize