We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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