My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
