There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
