First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
