babies were throwing up all over the place
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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