his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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