Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
