i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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