Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
