it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
