I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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