So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
