i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
