I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
