Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
