My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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