but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
