Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
