I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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