got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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