I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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