Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
