Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
