here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
