Screwed.edu
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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