I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just invented taco cereal.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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