yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
