Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
